As a father, you are in the same legal position as the mother after a divorce. Yet many fathers experience that they are less involved with their children in practice. This often has to do with outdated social norms rather than the law. Dutch family law is based on equal parenting. Both parents have the same rights and obligations regarding their children, regardless of whether they were married.
Joint custody: the default rule
If you were married or had a registered partnership, you automatically have joint custody of your children (Article 1:251 of the Dutch Civil Code). This joint custody continues after the divorce. Neither parent loses custody through divorce. Custody means you have co-decision-making rights over important matters in your child's life, such as school choice, medical treatments, relocation, and religion. If you were not married but recognized the child, since 2009 you automatically have joint custody if you recognized the child and lived with the mother at the time of birth.
The right to contact: staying in touch with your children
Every parent has the right to contact with their child (Article 1:377a of the Dutch Civil Code). This right applies even if you don't have custody. The court can only deny contact if it would cause serious harm to the child's mental or physical development, if the parent is clearly unfit, if the child aged 12 or older objects, or if contact is otherwise contrary to the child's vital interests. In practice, contact is rarely completely denied.
Co-parenting: equal division of care
More and more fathers are choosing co-parenting, where children spend approximately equal time with both parents. There is no legal preference for a specific care arrangement. The court looks at what is in the child's best interest. Factors include the distance between homes, children's ages, parents' work schedules, children's wishes (especially from age 12), and the parents' ability to communicate.
What can you do if the mother doesn't cooperate?
Unfortunately, it happens that mothers obstruct contact between father and child. This is called contact frustration or parental alienation. As a father, you can take various steps. First, try to reach agreements through mediation. If that fails, you can ask the court to establish a contact arrangement. The court can impose enforcement measures, such as a penalty payment for each time the arrangement is violated. In extreme cases, the court can change the child's primary residence to the other parent.
Recognition as an unmarried father
If you were not married to the mother, you are not automatically the legal father, even if you are the biological father. You must recognize the child at the civil registry. Since January 1, 2023, if the mother refuses consent, you can request substitute consent from the court as the biological father. Our lawyers specialize in protecting fathers' rights and are happy to help you.